English as a second language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement
whereby English will be the official language of the
European Union rather than German, which was the other
possibility.

As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known
as  "Euro-English".

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'.

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of the 'k'.

This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one
less letter.

There will be growing publik  enthusiasm in the sekond year
when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'.

This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan
be expekted  to reach the  stage where more komplikated
changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters
which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in
the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with  'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' be dropd from vords
kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to
oza kombinations of letas.

After ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find
it ezi tu anderstand ech oza.

Ze drem of ze united urop vil finali kum tru!